if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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