Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
