Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
