i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.