god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.