Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.