member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!