My friends, they love my intelligence
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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