dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
