he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
