Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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