Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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