I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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