Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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