Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
