My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
