Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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