so explain again why im purple
no
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So much rum. So many feels.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
