Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
