I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
