I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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