so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
