I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
