this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
