I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
