Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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