Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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