Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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