I smell stomach acid.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
