SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
