More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
