yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
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There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
God, I missed his penis.
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