I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
