my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
