I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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