is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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