Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
