I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
