I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
