im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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