zippers are such a cool invention
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
