he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
