Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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