She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
