Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
