Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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