just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
