Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
