we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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