Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
