I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize