My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
