non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
