So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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