I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
