They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
