My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
