on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
