I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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