I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
