wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
