Tell her she can't have a vagina
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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