words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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