I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
