Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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