So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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