Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
