i don't like sucking hair
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
